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Children and Grandchildren

submitted on February 6, 2010 by mooncow728 in "Member's Lounge"
I just received this in an e-mail and typically I hit the delete button but this one was too funny to not pass on. Hopefully you all enjoy it as much as I did.

To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit?"
"We have forbidden fruit?"
"Hey Eve.. we have forbidden fruit!"
" No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
'Why?'
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not"
"Did too"
"DID NOT"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day!

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:


'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN'
AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!!
 

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  Comments
  • 51925
    HouTex
    admin
    Posted by HouTex on February 6, 2010
    [reply] 5 0
    That's so good! Glad you posted it! LOL LOL
  • 51933
    midget
    professor
    5 3 2
    10 6 2
    Posted by midget on February 6, 2010
    [reply] 3 0
    Lol that was funny.
  • 51936
    siggy38
    deity
    2 11 9
    12 9 2
    Posted by siggy38 on February 6, 2010
    [reply] 6 0
    Good one! LOL
  • 51946
    busant20
    professor
    1
    Posted by busant20 on February 6, 2010
    [reply] 4 0
    That was the bomb, 2 thumbs up mooncow728 LOL LOL LOL

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